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Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
I think it deserves 4 points. It needs more improved confirmation and refutation.
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
Improve her 'confirmation' and 'refutation and concession' part.
Thesis
What is the thesis?
We should not blame and discriminate against them without knowing their true values.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
It was clear. Also, it was debatable. I have also seen lots of people who discriminate fat women.
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Same. I love this part 'without knowing their true values'.
Any other thoughts?
She reflected feedback that teacher gave her for her 1st draft (except confirmation part).
And she often wrote sentence without 'verb'.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
I can, but I think there's no confirmation part. Confirmation part that she wrote is still narration, I think.
Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
Yes, she wrote well. I love her first question 'Do you hate watch beautiful people, animals, flowers and songs?' ('watch songs' is not correct, anyway..) It makes me interested in what she is going to say in this article.
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes, she wrote this part in objective view. There are both positive opinions and negative opinions about this topic. It is really helpful for readers to understand current situation.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
I don't think so. There's no supporting reasons that support her thesis. I feel it's still narration. She needs more improved confirmation.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
Yes, I love her 1st argument. However, I can't understand 2nd one. Why can't innate characteristics be the competitiveness of job applicants? Talent can also be innate characteristics. Also, appearance can be changed by our efforts. I think she need more explanation for her 2nd one. Likewise, 3rd one needs more supporting reasons. I think these two arguments are insufficient than 1st one.
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
Yes, but I want to suggest her to add why sticking to appearances are bad in one or two sentences.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
CONFIRMATION!
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree.
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
(I did not change my mind.)
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
Enhance 2nd and 3rd arguments of 'refutation and concession' part. Please, prove why opponents' arguments are wrong.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes, but 'many professors' that she cited in 'confirmation' part is not appropriate to confirmation. It is rather proper for narration.
Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes, but 'a scientist' is who? And 'some' Internet communities are what communities? I think specific sources of them are needed.
Are the sources obvious?
Yes.
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes.
Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
2nd and 3rd arguments of refutation and concession part needs more evidence.
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